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[Jul. 14th, 2009|06:53 pm] |
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My health has gone to shit. I feel like i've tried everything. I think I will just try to enjoy the time that I don't feel like shit. I just wish i could feel better. |
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| (no subject) |
[Jul. 12th, 2009|09:38 pm] |
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SOOOOOO BORED!! My brain hurts. i want a cigg but that means I have to go out. Damn rents. grr. Well I need to go do something productive before my brain melts. |
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| (no subject) |
[Jul. 7th, 2009|04:11 pm] |
These are my late present to my self. They are on the way in the mail right now.
I hope they fit. |
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| Some people make me sick. |
[Jun. 7th, 2009|06:52 pm] |
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Today at work a lady came in with a kitten. The babe was maybe a week old at most. She said she was driving on the freeway when she saw the car in front of her throwing something out the window. That's when she noticed it was kittens. She could only save the one, all the others got stuck in traffic and were ran over. I doubt this one will make it with out her mother but at least she will get a chance. I asked the lady if she had gotten a license number from the car. She said she was too in shock from what was happening and trying to pull over to save the kittens. I thanked her for her bravery and for helping the poor soul. We told her all she would need to know to try to take care of the little one. I pray that the little baby makes it and is stronger than ever. I wanted to cry so bad hearing this because I saved my babe from kids kicking and throwing things at her. |
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| (no subject) |
[Jun. 4th, 2009|12:33 pm] |
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It's my birthday! I'm 20. It's not bothering me as much as I thought it would. Plus yesterday I went to Dave and Busters and got to act like a little kid. I found out one of my friends works there now. I got free drinks and game points. He also let me cheat by putting my finger on the scale when weighing the tickets. I wanted to by a huge stuffed unicorn but atif talked me out of it. Grr. I don't know what I'm going to do today for my bday but it better be fun! |
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| (no subject) |
[May. 29th, 2009|04:53 pm] |
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I'm going to give him a chance to change. He says he will. He says he wont make me cry any more. An exact quote. "I'll make sure you have a big smile everytime were together." I believe him, but I'm terrified of getting hurt. I just want to be happy. I'm going to not tie myself to him as I have been. I saw how desperate I was for his attention/love and that scared me too. I need to be in love with myself first and for most. |
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| I feel so numb. |
[May. 29th, 2009|09:47 am] |
Life almost doesn't feel real at this point.
I broke up with my boyfriend of the last two years of my life. I feel like a horrible person. I made him cry. I've only seen him cry one other time and he was really drunk and told me the most beautiful things. Last night I could tell he really didn't want to let me go. He kept asking me are you sure you want this. He confessed that for the last year he wasn't sure we were working and that he wanted to break up but part of him loved me so he couldn't. it was the same with me. But really it was our lifes that fucked our relationship up. So many things were happening that we were just taking our frustration out on each other. We both admitted that we have been horrible to each other. It used to be perfect but we could hardly remember those good times any more. We still love each other but we just need to be apart so we have time to think about ourselfs. If we are meant to be life will work out and pull us back together. He said he would be a better man but I'm sure right now he couldn't be.
Well right now I'm crying like a little bitch but I should be getting ready for my hair apointment. I'm cutting all my hair off again.
Also it's like 6 days till my birthday and I have absolutly no clue what I'm going to do. |
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| It's Alive! |
[May. 25th, 2009|06:57 pm] |
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My car is driveable again. It looks like shit but it drives. It's new name is Frankencar. |
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| (no subject) |
[May. 21st, 2009|06:27 pm] |
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I got pissed off so I walked 30 mins to the local coffee shop. My legs hurt. I miss my car. |
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| (no subject) |
[May. 20th, 2009|04:34 pm] |
it's almost my birthday and i cant figure out what i'm gunna do. i hope i get to do something special. I was thinking about getting my cartilage re-pierced. I wanna go to the beach. i wanna get stupid drunk. which just for the fact i dont drink often much less get drunk. who knows what will happen. not to mention that my brother is getting married. the rehersal is the day after my bday and the wedding is the day after that.
btw i loooooove that my money is adding back up. it's sucks that i still dont have my car fixed. i love that my dad is really trying hard to help me get it fixed. i dont know if he is just trying to get it out of the way so he doesnt have to deal with it or if he really wants to help. he is being really good about it though either way. but yeah money. because i dont have a car right now i cant drive around when im bored and spend money. i have a bad habit of wasting money. |
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| (no subject) |
[May. 8th, 2009|04:39 pm] |
me at work:
stright from my phone. |
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| (no subject) |
[Apr. 28th, 2009|10:38 pm] |
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Seeing your car all fucked up everyday is like seeing your kid in a coma. I keeping hopeing she will get fixed really fast. Or that this is all a dream and ill wake up and she will be just fine. Or that there is a time machine that i could go back and stop the wreck from happening. Also not being able to drive myself anywhere and having to rely on other people sucks. |
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| (no subject) |
[Apr. 25th, 2009|09:08 pm] |
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Atif and me were leaving ifest and i got confused and freaked out so i pulled over and let him drive. while driving home we got into an accident and my car might be totaled. i wont have a car for a while. im not sure how i will get to work. i hope my insurance doesnt go up too much. also right before we hit the truck i have never screamed so loud in my life. it was a truley terrified life flashing before my life scream. i still havent stopped crying. i think this might actualy scar me when being a passenger in a car. my head hurts so bad. im hoping i didnt hit it. it really snuck up on me. i looked right up while we were hitting the truck and i blanked out in fear. i started freaking out and crying. i was so scared. my parents are pissed i let him drive. |
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| (no subject) |
[Apr. 22nd, 2009|04:56 pm] |
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I was so bored just sitting at home. Sitting outside at the local coffee in the much welcomed heat I thought would be much better. Reading twilight and sipping on a iced mint green tea. My mind is alittle clearer now. I wish I could talk to someone but there is no one up here. An old teacher of mine was walking out when I walked in. I never get tired of explaining that I'm not in school. School just didn't work for me. I like life learning much better. I hate paying to not learn anything useful either. I don't know what I want to do so why pay for classes that may not take me anywhere. Also teachers don't teach anymore. They just blab on about crap in a book. If I wanted to know what was in a book I would read it. So anyway. I'm going to go back to reading and sipping. |
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| (no subject) |
[Apr. 22nd, 2009|02:19 pm] |
Gah...*headdesk*
I swear I'm alive. *checks pluse*
Yep I'm alive.
Still up and down.
Can't quit smoking. I said I was going to and then bought a pack yesterday. It's like my brain is so scrambled that smoking should be the last thing I'm thinking about. Somewhere in my crazy mixed up brain I know I should be quiting. At least I've slowed down. About max 5 ciggs a day and that's only on a bad day when I stressed.
Hmmmm, can't think of anything else.
I'll come back if I think of something. |
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| (no subject) |
[Apr. 13th, 2009|10:19 pm] |
I went to sleep at around 4:30am. My alarm went off at 5:30am to get ready for work. I check my phone and I had a message from my boyfriend saying he was home. That my was from 4:57am. I call him to figure out why he just got home. I get ready for work. Co-worker calls. She isn't gunna make it in today, she is sick and hurt. I get to work 30 mins early. Cry alot in car. Go into work. It's super busy. Appointments are canceled. I get to deal with pissed off customers because no one called them to tell them ahead of time. Everyone treats me like shit. I get happy cause i get lots of puppy kisses and play meowing game with cats to keep them happy. Dog comes in. Not sure if he is alive or dead. Dog has parvo. Poor thing might as well be dead. It's 12o'clock, lunch time. Go to gas station to get ciggs. Too much stress. Needs a ciggs. Lights cigg. Pulls out of gas station. Trys to get over in traffic. I think big Mac truck sees me. Trys to get over. He doesn't see me. Takes out my left turning signal, bumper, and fucks up my trim/fender. Pulls over. Starts calling people. Starts crying again. Mom and Dad show up. Waits 35 mins for trucker's boss to show up. Truck guys boss wants a police report. Goes to police station. Fills out report. Hope he doesn't file report. Goes to get food for boyfriend and myself. Gets to boyfriens house. He is still in shower. Eats food. He comes in. We fight. I get upset and leave. Goes home. Mom is pulling out of drive way. Goes with mom to shop. Finds nothing at any store to buy. Goes home. Goes to sleep. Wakes up. Calls boyfriend. Gets in bigger fight. Crys some more.
Now I'm here writing this. I really fucking HATE life right now. |
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| (no subject) |
[Apr. 13th, 2009|12:42 am] |
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life is bit weird right now. im not sure how im taking it. im pretty sure i should be taking some type of drug. my body is telling me i want a baby. i know i have to wait. i have no money. i cant wait for this new job to kick in. also new job makes days and time weird for me. having to be up so early some days and sleeping in on others. i want to go out more and find more random things to do. i like driving around but i dont have money for gas so i find any excuse to go out. im gaining all the weight i had lost back. it needs to get hotter so i am forced to wear less clothes and there for have to be in shape to look better in them. my boyfriend is confusing me. his life is crazy too right now. it makes us unstable. we know we love each other. thats all that matters right? i should be asleep right now. i have to be up at 5:30 am. i just wish i had enough money to move out right now. i think that would make life a little better. i wouldnt have to deal with my parents rules and constant bickering. ill be 20 soon. is it sad that i feel like im hitting the middle of my life. maybe its just such a big change. you know getting kicked out of childhood and all. no more teens. i wouldnt say im an adult yet but im deff not a child. i think im gunna have a drink. i just wanna go to sleep and not think about anything. |
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| (no subject) |
[Mar. 6th, 2009|04:42 pm] |
I hate the dentist. I had to wake up at 7 in the fucking morning to go see the dentist to get a cavity filled. When I'm there I start to panic. The noise of the drill makes me feel like I'm dieing. I didn't have feeling in my mouth for five hours after. I tried to go back to sleep when I got home, but i only got a nap in. Now it's almost 5 oclock and my tooth is still fucking killing me. i kinda wish my mouth was still numb. Also i kept biting my tongue when my mouth was numb. soooo annoying.
My parents are coming home sunday and i couldn't be more happy. It kinda sucked being all by myself for a little more than a week. At least i got to sleep with my boyfriend. I's kinda worried that my neighbors might tell on me though. No one was supposed to be at the house.
I'm starting to renue an old friendship and it's kinda nice. I still miss my bestest friend in the whole wide world. Jill you know who you are! btw I got you a late bday present. I can't ship it though so I either have to bring it to you or next time you come into town you can get it.
I'm also starting training for my new job starting monday. It's going to be so crazy. this will be my first carrer job. all the other jobs I've had have been retail=going nowhere jobs or work as a hostest. I'll be getting paid real money for once and I might actuly start making enough money to move out. yays! I've realized haveing my parents go out of town for a week(longest time away from them that i can remember) that I'm still there baby. I don't like being this out of touch with them, even though we talked on the phone a couple of times while they were away.
Well I'm gunna go back to being bored and having nothing to do cause as usual everyone is busy at the moment. |
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| (no subject) |
[Feb. 25th, 2009|04:10 pm] |
I got the new job. This will be my last week at the ups store. I don't start the new job right away so I have like a week to do whatever the hell I want. I think most of that free time will be spent playing video games. The other cool part is this Friday my rents are going to hawii for a week.
On not so happy news, I have tmj. So now I have to wear this mouth gaurd thing so I can't grind my teeth. |
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| (no subject) |
[Feb. 22nd, 2009|06:59 pm] |
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HELLO! Is anybody out there? Can you hear me? Meh. I'm bored. Gunna go back to the real world now. |
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